We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
