it was like his penis was on wheels.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
