Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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