my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
