tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize