one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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