I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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