So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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