I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bring me that man meat
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
