It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
