sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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