So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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