Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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