Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
