I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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