I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
