When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
