this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
