i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
NoShamevember. You game?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
