come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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