Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We need a shit load of segways right now
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
