He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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