bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
