I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize