I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
