life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
