I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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