hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
