you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
