I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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