Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
