i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
