how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
