im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
