Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
