I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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