people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
