Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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