When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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