Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
