well you can't waste a boner
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
