Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
