This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
