It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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