we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize