I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
