My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
