FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
