it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
