You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
