I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
