We won't sleep together?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
