yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
