Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
