i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
