i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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