Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
