There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
