Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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