so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
