hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize