If that was your dad, he is hot
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
