Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
