Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think my tv is drunk
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
