This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
