i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
