ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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