so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
