Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize