my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
