I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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