Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
