o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
