No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
