She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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