Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
