Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
