what day is it and did you see me today?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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