hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
