I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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